Preface

A midrash tells of a father and son walking down the road to reach a city. The son asks his father, “When will we arrive?” The father responds, “When you see a cemetery, it will be the sign that we have reached the city.”

In this story, the cemetery represents the city and civilization. Caring for the dead, burying one’s own dead, and honoring those who have passed is an essential element of every culture and civilization. In Jewish tradition, kevòd hamèt, the honor attributed to those who have passed, is fundamental. As he approached death, Ya’akov asked his son to bury him in the tomb of his fathers, the cave of Machpelah, saying to him, “You will do for me chesed ve-emet—love and truth.” The Sages interpret this expression as an act of true love, emphasizing that an act of true love is directed toward someone who has passed away.

This is indeed a selfless love: we cannot expect any reward or even a “thank you” from the deceased. But this ability to do good without expecting a reward is a cornerstone of a healthy and just society. Any human society should be based on solidarity with the weakest. Selfless acts of love uphold society and uphold the entire world.

The chakhamim say that the world is built on chesed: the cemetery, burial, and the honors toward those who have passed all represent this. Jewish tradition also places great importance on the moment of mourning. There is a verse in Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) that says it is better to go to a house of mourning than to a banquet. This is a challenging verse, as Jewish tradition typically exalts moments of joy and shuns sadness. However, Kohelet wants to convey an important message. The moment of mourning is profoundly significant for two fundamental reasons:

1. It allows us to recognize and reflect on a loss—the loss of a “unique” human being, as every human being is unique. Every human has a mission to fulfill in the world, one that only they can accomplish. Reflecting on the greatness and uniqueness of the person who has passed away is an essential aspect of Jewish tradition.
2. The time of mourning is a moment for general reflection that certainly affects the family of the deceased but should touch everyone who is in any way connected to that loss. It is a time to consider what the essential elements of our life are, to examine our scale of priorities. There aren’t many opportunities for this. Mourning offers an extraordinary occasion for deep reflection.

For all these reasons, the cemetery is an important place; it allows us to think and reflect on our life and the meaning of our existence. Perhaps this is why, traditionally, the cemetery is paradoxically called Bet Hachayim, the house of life.

Shalom.